Secret plan to beat revellers: lollipops

I've discovered the secret plan by Copeland Council to keep late-night revellers quiet.

Copeland's secret weapon. Picture by D Sharon Pruitt

The council is currently rethinking its policy about noise and businesses in the town centre. That's right - the same Copeland Council that thought it a good idea to have a night club (Cap'n Senny's) next door to Brackenthwaite old people's home. Who said Copeland didn't have a planning strategy! As I live in the town centre, I thought I would look at The Review of Statement Licensing Policy 2010. It's virtually unintelligible. But buried in the document - section 4.5.13 to be precise - is a list of suggested ways that pub and club owners can help control noise. Including this one: "giving free lollipops to customers leaving the premises". I jest not. I'm sorely tempted to go out with a photographer at 2am and try to offer people a lollipop just to get their reaction.  I'm glad to report that noise is not usually a problem to us town centre residents. Revellers are kept well under control by the police and bouncers. The problem is the landlords who insist on emptying bins of empty glass bottles into their recycling bins at 1am. The crashing sound of glass on glass is enough to wake the dead. Can't you please wait until the next morning?